


But darling, I'm a mess

by nerakrose



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Romance, fest: hp_nextgen_fest, flangst, post—hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-04 04:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/389807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerakrose/pseuds/nerakrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hugo and Scorpius have been broken up for a month when Scorpius finds out Hugo is getting married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But darling, I'm a mess

**Author's Note:**

> I'd envisioned this as a semi-epic but decided quickly I couldn't deal with that much emoing. Hope you enjoy this all the same. ♥ Thanks to my betas M and C. Written for hp_nextgen_fest and originally posted [here](http://hp-nextgen-fest.livejournal.com/78274.html).

"He's getting _married_ and you're just going to let him?!"

Scorpius sighed, rubbing his temple. " _Letting him_ is a bit presumptuous, isn't it? Implying that I actually have a say in the matter?"

He didn't have to look at Rose to know that she was bursting with emotion, predominantly anger. Directed at him, and Hugo, mixed sadness and despair and a lot of other things. If anything, her silence and the way her posture had stiffened was testament to this. He'd have seen that she was biting her lip and her eyes were brimming with tears, had he looked up.

So he didn't look up.

"Scorpius," she said, her voice tight and controlled. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"That's right you aren't!" She spluttered. "You're letting him walk out of your life for good! Why? You love him! He loves you!"

"He's got a funny way of showing it," Scorpius spat. "Getting married to that _tart_."

The silence stretched between them.

"I'm sorry," he eventually said, with a sigh. "She's not a tart. Not really."

"No, she isn't." Rose sat down next to him. "She's just...a tad naive, through no fault of hers. And my brother..." She sighed.

"Is doing a good job of moving on," Scorpius finished. "I'm sorry, Rose."

"Me too."

*

"So, when's the wedding?"

What Scorpius had hoped would've been a casual question, nothing noteworthy, really, came out as a half-swallowed, strange little thing he couldn't recognise as anything human. Apparently, Al couldn't either.

"What's that?"

"Uhm. Hugo. When's the...you know."

"Oh."

Al gave Scorpius a long look and Scorpius wished he wouldn't. Al wasn't as expressive as Rose; Scorpius couldn't read him as well, and right now he didn't know whether he was being looked at with pity or contempt or something else.

"In three weeks," Al eventually answered.

The ground disappeared from under Scorpius and he fell into a deep, black hole. Or he thought so, judging from the uncomfortable knot his gut was busy tying.

"Oh," he said, faintly, and Al looked suddenly alarmed.

"Score," he said, arm shooting out to grab Scorpius' elbow. He opened his mouth to continue, but couldn't find the words.

"I..." Scorpius shook his head. "Never mind."

"They didn't see a point in waiting."

"Obviously."

"Score..."

Scorpius looked at him. Al was still holding his elbow.

"James is best man," he said. His eyes were unreadable as he spoke and Scorpius felt his gut knot again.

"I see."

"You didn't think - I mean..."

"We were...before all this." Scorpius flung his hand upwards defeatedly. "Before everything went to hell."

Al steered Scorpius over to the bar. "And who's to blame for that?" he asked, while gesturing to the barman.

"...both of us."

"Is it really?"

"Maybe it's mostly me." His throat was dry. The sight of the beer that Al pushed over to him only made his throat constrict.

"Why don't you fix it?"

"What's there to fix?" Scorpius picked at the label on the bottle. "We've nothing together anymore. And he's getting married. To someone who's not me, I might like to add. In three weeks."

"Not unless you fix it," Al stated. "Look. You both screwed up. Get over your miserable selves and _fix it_."

Scorpius was still picking at the label.

"Hugo doesn't want to get married."

"Then why is he?" Scorpius asked, looking up. "People don't normally get married if they don't want to, you know."

"She pushed him into it."

"Did he say that?"

"No," Al sighed. "But I think I know my cousin well enough to know it was not he that proposed."

"He could've said no."

Scorpius thought he was being a child, a spoiled, petulant child - but this was _Hugo_ and he could've said no, could've come back, maybe.

"I think Hugo thought he didn't have another option." Al motioned towards the beer Scorpius was still fiddling with.

"I've got to go." Scorpius pushed the bottle back across the counter and got up. "I'll talk to you later. Goodbye."

"Score -"

"Don't." He held up a hand and then he was gone.

*

It was a glimpse, nothing more - a flash of red curls, a hand, and a string of swearwords he'd learned from him. The door was flapping as a steady stream of people entered and exited the shop, but Scorpius was rooted to the cold hard cobbles under his feet as he stared in through the window.

Hugo.

Tape measurers aligned themselves with Hugo's arms and legs and wrapped around his torso and tiny, shiny pins poked through the fabric. A crass comment about the colour carried through the door-opening before it was shut again; it sounded like James.

"He's right, that colour doesn't suit you," Scorpius said in a low voice. "Black washes you out, you know that-"

And then Hugo looked up, shook his head and the robes changed colours, flittering through varying shades of grey, green and blue. Hugo didn't seem to be able to make up his mind and James now appeared, having been hidden from view behind a mannequin, gesturing at the robes.

James was wearing a set of robes to match, Scorpius saw. His throat contracted and his gut twisted and his fingers dug into his palms. It was easy to forget, for just a minute, why Hugo was in Twilfitt and Tattings, but James had reminded him, James and his matching best man robes.

Scorpius couldn't leave. He watched the two of them until Hugo settled on a colour and a cut and it wasn't until Hugo looked towards the window and saw Scorpius there, that he found the ability to move again. Their eyes locked for only a moment before Scorpius walked away, all errands in Diagon Alley forgotten.

He felt Hugo's eyes bore into his neck as he left, but he knew it wasn't possible. Couldn't be.

*

"Scorpius?"

"In here, Mum." He didn't get up to greet his mum - and his dad, he saw - as they emerged from the floo. "Hi."

"Son," his father said, concern in the lines on his forehead. "I just had lunch with Potter and Weasley -"

"I'm not interested, dad. Sorry." Scorpius sighed and put his arm back over his eyes. "Right now I'm only interested in wallowing in my own misery, actually."

"Honey," his mother said, gently seating herself on the edge of the sofa and resting a hand on her son's stomach. "I think you want to hear this."

Scorpius glanced at his father, who'd summoned a chair from the dining table and sat down. "Is this another 'Hugo doesn't actually want to get married' thing? Because I've heard that already and I'm sorry if I don't entirely believe it."

"He's unhappy," his father said. "According to Weasley he's not doing much else but moping. Very much like you."

"And? What do you want me to say?" Scorpius covered his eyes again. "He'll be fine once he's married, probably. He'll have a wife to look after him and all."

"There's more," his father continued. "Potter informed me that he and James came to blows the other night."

"I know, Al told me."

"Did he tell you what they fought about?"

"No."

"According to Potter - this happened at his house - James refused to be best man. I paraphrase: He didn't want to support the ridiculous sham of marriage Hugo was insisting on seeing to the end. He apparently wanted proof that this was what Hugo wanted, which lead to the argument and the subsequent result that James is no longer best man."

"Suppose he's got another best man then."

"Not so far as Weasley and Potter know. They asked how you were doing, by the way. I filled them in. The general consensus is that if you two -"

"Thanks dad, but no."

"Have you talked to Hugo?" his mother asked.

"No." Scorpius swallowed. "I don't want to see him."

"There's a week until the wedding."

"I know."

"I've got your invitation, here." His father pulled out a cream coloured card from inside his jacket.

"Why would Hugo -" Scorpius' eyes narrowed as he took the invitation. "Hugo didn't invite me."

"Weasley asked me to pass it on," his father admitted. "Your mother and I will of course be there."

"Mum's related to... _her_ , right?"

"Yes," she answered. "But that's not why were invited. Keep the invitation, honey. In case you change your mind." She stood up. "And do eat something. You're skin and bones."

*

"You're going to the wedding?"

"Maybe." Scorpius drew his wand over a wrinkle in the sleeve of his dress robes and it vanished. "I haven't made up my mind completely yet."

"But you're getting your robes ready," Rose said, cradling her cup of tea. "Why are you doing that if you don't know if you're going?"

"Because." Scorpius shrugged. "I suppose if they're ready now, then I can't use them as an excuse tomorrow for not going."

"Oh, Score..." Rose sighed and Scorpius knew she was about to go all emotional on him. "What are you going to _do_?"

"I honestly don't know," he sighed, sitting down and burying his face in his hands for a moment. Then he looked up. "Did I ever tell you about when I first met him?"

She gave him a strange look. "We were thirteen, at my house, and Hugo was being a pest."

"No, not that." He shook his head. "When I first _really_ met him?"

"I...don't think you have," she said softly.

"It wasn't even anything special..." Scorpius leaned back on the sofa. "It was not long before our N.E.W.T.S. You were there, even. We were in the library and Hugo was at the next table over with some of his friends and probably also some of your cousins. I remember there being a fairly large amount of red hair. Anyway, I'd just finished revising a chapter and I looked up, you know, taking a small break of sorts before getting on...and I just happened to look over." Scorpius shrugged lightly. "He...he wasn't really doing anything, I think. I saw him smile and say something to someone, and...well, I noticed he was wearing an Opaleye Dealers t-shirt..."

"Of course," Rose snorted. "You and Hugo both were _obsessed_ with that band."

"Yeah, we were...Well, he got up to get a book and I followed him and asked him out. I don't think I really was thinking or I probably wouldn't have done it, not with you being my best friend and all, but there was something about him that day, and...well... I just asked him out." He sighed. "It feels like it's a lifetime ago."

"When did you know he was the one?"

"What?" Scorpius startled.

"When did you know?"

Her eyes bored into him. "Rose..." He rubbed his forehead. "Please don't."

"It's true, isn't it?"

"Yeah. it is."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

She sighed and stood up, taking the empty pot of tea with her. "Are you going in the car?"

"Yeah. Do you need a lift?"

"No, I'm going with mum and dad."

*

Scorpius couldn't remember driving all the way from London to Guildford. He couldn't even remember getting into the car. But he must have gotten into the car and driven from London to Guildford, because he was now standing in front of St. Mary's Church. In Guildford.

There were a few guests still chatting or exchanging nice-to-see-yous outside the church, but everyone else seemed to have already settled inside. Scorpius' stomach dropped.

What the hell was he doing?

Another car pulled into the car park and Scorpius saw lots of white fluff in the backseat. The bride had evidently arrived.

He slammed the door to his car shut and strode up to the church, but instead of going inside, he went round to the side of it. There was a chamber there, Rose had told him, where the groom and best man would wait until it was time. The bride would be in another chamber near the entrance.

The door was there, large and imposing, looking like it could eat him alive. He knocked.

James opened the door, evidently having been reinstated as best man after all. He gave Scorpius a look of surprise, glanced over his shoulder and then back at Scorpius, who felt his cheeks redden.

"Can I speak to Hugo for a moment?"

"Yes!" James answered loudly, looking like he wanted nothing more than to drag Scorpius inside. Instead, he collected himself and turned around. "Hugo? Someone wants to speak to you."

James stepped aside as Hugo stepped forwards. Scorpius saw Hugo halt when he saw just who was standing outside, but he also saw James give him a not-so-subtle push out the door and then the door closed.

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, but Scorpius knew that in all likelihood, mere seconds had passed.

Hugo was beautiful. He was pale, his freckles standing out more than before, he was thinner than he usually was and the colour of his robes wasn't really the most flattering for his complexion, but he was _beautiful_.

"I love you," Scorpius blurted out. His hands were clammy. "I'm sorry - I love you, I miss you, I...please don't- Please come back to me. I'm so sorry about everything, everything I did and said and everything that happened, I'm so so _so_ sorry and I love you."

"I'm getting married today, Score," Hugo said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

Scorpius felt the beginning touch of an ice cold fist close around his heart. "I'm begging you, Hugo. Please." His voice shook. Hugo seemed conflicted. "Please. I love you, Hugo. I love you so _much_...I...I can't live without you. _Please_ come back to me."

"I...I can't." Hugo turned, staring at the door handle as he pushed it down "I'm sorry." He closed the door behind him silently and the cold fist squeezed Scorpius' heart so hard he couldn't breathe.

One step back and then he turned to leave but he couldn't - he couldn't. And his chest hurt and he couldn't _breathe_. He dropped down onto the step, put his head between his legs and tried to breathe, tried to _understand_ , but he couldn't. He _couldn't_. It was over. It was really over. No use pretending anymore; it was over.

The door opened again behind him, but he barely registered it.

"Did you mean it?"

Scorpius' head snapped up and he twisted around. _Hugo_.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Yes. Every word," Scorpius breathed, getting to his feet. He was trembling, not daring to hope. "I meant every single word."

Hugo gave him a long, hard look and Scorpius waited, didn't dare move, didn't dare speak of fear he might do something wrong, scare Hugo off as if he were a timid deer, which was a bit silly because if anyone was a deer, it was _not_ Hugo.

Eventually Hugo softened.

"Okay," he said. "Hang on for a bit."

And suddenly he was gone and Scorpius was looking in bewilderment at James, who was looking just as confused. The door to the nave swung slowly closed.

Scorpius ran inside and over to the door, pulling it open enough for him to see what was going on.

Hugo was standing in front of the altar. "Can I have your attention, please?" he said loudly, gesturing. "Please? Your attention, please?"

"Merlin's pants," Scorpius gasped and James pinched him to shut him up. The church hushed down.

"Thank you very much. I have an important announcement to make. This wedding is cancelled. I am very sorry for the inconvenience, but there will be no wedding today." He paused. "Uhm, there is still free food and alcohol at the reception, so go there. Thank you and again, I am sorry. Right now I have someplace else to be. I hope you understand."

Scorpius could see what he assumed were the bride's parents; the mother was wibbling and the father looked furious. Mr and Mrs Weasley, however, looked rather pleased, which Scorpius thought was a bit odd, knowing they'd paid for the wedding. The shocked silence was rapidly turning into unrest and Hugo was striding towards him. Scorpius quickly backed away from the door before anyone could see him and a moment later Hugo came through.

"I can't believe you just did that," Scorpius blurted out. "You just...you just..."

"I had to," Hugo replied. His cheeks were flushed. "Wasn't that what you wanted?"

"Merlin..." Scorpius stared. Over Hugo's shoulder he saw James sneak into the church, giving him the thumbs up. "I..."

"Look, if-"

"No! No, Heaven, no, I just..." Scorpius shook his head. Hugo was still standing just inside the door and Scorpius saw now the telltale signs of insecurity; Hugo's clenched fists and the way he gnawed on his bottom lip. "Oh, Hugo..." he breathed and flung himself at him, pulling him close, tight, not intending to let go of him anytime soon and trying not to cry. "I've missed you so much..."

"I've missed you too," Hugo said softly and Scorpius felt the cold fist around his heart melt away.

"Let's go home before I get all teary and embarrass myself," he said roughly and then sniffled. "Goddammit."

Hugo laughed and squeezed him hard. "Did you come in the car?"

"Yeah." Scorpius nodded. He was reluctant to let go; his face was buried in Hugo's neck and his nose was full of his scent. "I love you -"

"I love you too." Hugo loosened their embrace and Scorpius saw that his eyes were shiny too. A small sob rolled out of his chest. "Hey, don't cry," Hugo whispered, his voice rough and yet soft. "It's over. Let's go home."

"Yeah. Let's." He took Hugo's hand. "I still can't believe you just...in front of everyone..." Scorpius motioned towards the door. He could hear someone shouting who he thought might be Hugo's mother. "I don't think they're very happy with you either, judging from the noise in there."

"No, probably not..." Hugo frowned. "Okay, we're leaving before anyone gets a chance to burn me. Come on."

Hugo tugged him along and they ran across the car park towards their car, hands clasped firmly. Scorpius was exhilarated, drunk on love and happiness and Hugo. His chest was bursting and the feel of Hugo's hand in his again after two months, two cruel and painful months, was electrifying, invigorating.

Judging from the look on Hugo's face as they sped towards London, the excited grin on his face and the fact he wasn't complaining about the wind in his hair, he felt the same.


End file.
